Summer Series (part 4): Far-Too-Independent Day

What is up blogoteers, how ya livin'? Don't feel the need to audibly answer that, because I wouldn't be able to hear you and was just asking as a formality anyways.

I don't have a specific topic in mind today, but since this blog is as celebratory an Independence Day activity as I'm going to participate in this year, what I do have is a shitload of free time and a mean case of logorrhea, for which I'm sure you all know the only prescription-->

- Speaking of cows, let me tell ya'll what's some bullshit: The USA Today crossword puzzle. Allegedly these things get tougher everyday of the week, so balking at the thought of starting with Monday's presumably too-simple-for-my-advanced-mind puzzle, I decided to dive balls deep into Tuesday's offering; ***FACE PALM***

It is now Sunday night, and instead of giving rocket scientry a shot and getting a Sunday puzzle, I'm stuck in neutral, having only done about 30% of the Tuesday puzzle. Frustrating? Yes. Humbling? Undoubtedly. But as I got stuck between a 4-letter word for "Old Turkish Dignitaries" and a 5-letter synonym for "Imp," I realized something: the USA Today puzzles are CLEARLY another way for THE man to further subjugate the BLACK man. This is why black people don't read the paper.

- It's almost Textbook Temp. time of year again. In roughly two weeks, I'll be back at the every MU student's choice bookstore, taking your orders and subsequently throwing them away shortly thereafter. It's obviously not something I'd want to make a career out of, but while I'm in school, it beats not working at all, especially during these long summer days. Stay tuned for further adventures on that front.

- I've still not managed to see The A-Team or Toy Story 3, two movies that I was determined to see long before they came to theaters. For some reason, people don't really seem to like going to movies as much as I do anymore, and I have no idea why that is. I guess it's because most of us are old enough to go out to bars now and college, I've been told, is mostly about getting drunk, having meaningless sex and other forms of the fun that can be induced by experimenting with other substances and/or people. That doesn't seem to leave much room for good clean fun anymore (anybody remember going rollerskating or bowling?), so it's either alcoholic activity or bust, sometimes; Not driving for myself has definitely proven to be far more crippling this summer than ever before.

- Rumor had it this week that Tiger Woods' estranged ex-wife, Elin NobodyCaresAboutHerLastName was due to receive upwards of $700 million in the divorce proceedings. Over SEVEN HUNDRED MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. The news spread pretty fast, and even the Obama's had something to say on the matter.

Since then, I think the number has come down to $100 million (still more than enough money to set her, her children, her grandchildren, and even her great grandchildren up for life, but a far more reasonable figure, all things considered). The point here is that I need to know if there is any crime that one person can commit against another that is worth that sort of money. Don't get me wrong, I IN NO WAY condone Tiger acting like a sexual deviant and having affairs with all those women. It's reprehensible behavior for anyone to treat their spouse that way, especially someone who had been previously looked up to as much as Tiger had. And don't get it twisted, blogomaniacs - Tiger Woods is LOADED with cash; that boy got STUPID money. But reparations to the tune of $700 million, NONE of which she brought into that household herself? How long do you think Elin and her lawyers talked about the money figures before they thought it got out of hand? Did someone suggest $800 million before they were rebuked by the rest of the group for just being TOO ridiculous? Just the fact that some of us legitimately entertained the idea of her getting $700+ million has got to be considered a win for them. They probably haven't stopped hugging and high-fiving each other yet.

How can women argue with a straight face that they're marrying for love, and then have a marriage fall apart and they start asking for exorbitant concessions like that after the fact? Obviously every woman who gets divorced can't ask for that much money, but it's all relative. Even with men that are only middle-class workers, there are women divorcing them and asking to take everything from them - the house, the kids, the car, etc. A marriage is an equal union - theoretically, yes - but if it's that simple to get at least half of everything after a divorce (even if the husband is really the only one bringing in all of that money), then what's to stop gold-digging heifers from jumping into loveless marriages just praying for the day that their man slips up enough to get that divorce? And the worst part about it? Our culture is one that is not-so-subtly instigating the whole thing - yes, I'm talking about Basketball Wives - by shoving these succubi down our throats. Shame on you, VH1.

- Speaking of shame, shame on you all who read this and are on twitter and are not following me on there (http://twitter.com/MrWilliams88) or those of you who enjoy reading blogs such as this one and aren't reading up on my partna'dem 5 Deuce 4 Trey (http://ralphrude.blogspot.com/). If you're not doing either of those things, then you're losing.

- Finally, I've declared "Shutterbug" by Big Boi (the normal guy from Outkast) to be the official summer jam of 2010. Even if you don't have any discernible rhythm in your body, you should feel like busting a move when that bass line drops. Get on board or get run over, people - that song goes HARD.

For serious though, happy 4th of July to everyone. This is one of the few times that I would love to be home in VA. I wish I were at some sort of cookout right now with a bunch of friends and family, but alas, I cannot be, and so I'm with ya'll knuckleheads instead. So for those of you who are out at picnics or cookouts celebrating with others, enjoy yourselves and bring me a plate of food. Preferably just the food thing though, a brotha is hungry.

Until next time, this is Sir Marcus T. Williams signing off....... Ya'll take care now.

Summer Series (part 3): PHI GRAMMA JAMMA

Salutations, blogosphere! Sir Marcus back here with a topic that I must admit, I've been looking forward to tackling: the prevalent poor grammar of people all around us. It had gotten to the point that I was practically pregnant with the anticipation of my impending bite out of this subject. Well guess what, blogomaniacs? Over the past few weeks or so, my metaphorical water has broken, and that bundle of joy is being delivered to you now with this blog parading as my OBGYN.

Now that you've gotten that arguably far-too-memorable, but absolutely most unforgettable image out of your heads, I want to preface this all by saying that most of you that know me know that I'm an English major, which is conducive to being inherently anal about these sorta things. So be forewarned because while I certainly don't mean to sound pretentious or self-righteous at all, you should realize that I'm a guy who carries a pocket thesaurus, so I obviously notice these mishaps more than your average Joe. This stuff needs to be said by someone, no matter how small the potential audience. I've been guilty of these things as well, so trust me when I say that it hurts me much more when I make these mistakes myself than it does when others make them. Actually, that's not really true at all, but just know that I see it in myself too. If it still comes off as condescending, I don't mean it to sound that way, but then again I'd say you may feel that way because you're feeling super guilty and if that's the case, then maybe a little condescension never hurt anybody, so build a bridge and get over it, Nancy.

I know there are others out there who yearn for better grammatical sense just like I do, and if me saying something makes me that movement's villain, then so be it. I mean, I'm okay with a little slang here and there (I talk quite a bit of it here in these blogs), but there's a difference between ignorance by circumstance and ignorance just for ignorance's sake and it's my job to point that out, so let's do the damn thang.

When I was in high school, one of my English teachers used to issue "Grammar Jams," which were pop quizzes meant to check - that's right, you guessed it - our grammatical skills. Anything from run-on sentences to use of periods/exclamation points to comma splices were fair game, and though most people hated these things, I thought it was a great idea and had a hard time curbing my enthusiasm for these wondrous occasions. I'm not saying I aced them all because Lord knows that I didn't, but the idea was that by the time we're in our teens and young adulthood, we should know the basic grammatical principles around which OUR PRIMARY LANGUAGE is built, a sentiment that I was more than happy to get behind. This is when I really started paying attention to things like this.

Since then, I've not been able to help but notice how terrible some people's speech really is. I brought this up recently (hey Scott and Randy!), but there really is no valid reason for us to not know the difference in usages between to and too, there, their, and they're, or your and you're. Now, I'm a pretty open-minded guy, but one of the few things I simply can not, will not, and SHALL NOT be convinced of is that there is any acceptable reason that an American citizen that has access to English education should not at least know these sorta things. If you say "to" when you mean "too" once every so often, then it's okay because accidents happen. My concern, however, comes from the fact that if grammar Nazis such as myself never pointed out the difference, some people would never know how different those words are and would continue to interchange them so carelessly and erroneously. Same goes for "your" and "you're" and "there," "their," and "they're." It may not be fair for me to hold everyone to the high standards of knowing that you are never supposed to end a sentence in a preposition (at, in, of, to, etc.). But, my growing befuddlement in people always saying "Their is no more water left," "I went too the store," or "Your getting on my nerves" is absolutely within reason for me to emphasize. Oh no, blogoteers, such nonsense just won't do.

To a lesser extent, spelling issues bother me quite a bit as well, but I realize that that is something that everyone just isn't going to be great with, so I'm content to let sleeping dogs lie there. Same goes for people not knowing to say that THEIR day went "WELL" instead of it going "GOOD." The rules of adjectives versus adverbs are far too big an issue for me to try to teach people through just one blogpost, so I won't even bother. But don't - not even for one second - think that I and others don't notice, because we do. And while I admit that having the uncanny, inhuman ability to notice such lapses in speech development would probably be the lamest superpower ever, it doesn't make the problem any more acceptable for you to just ignore. If Americans are going to insist that English be spoken by more people internationally, the least we can do is try to clean it up amongst ourselves. So while yes, I am an admittedly unabashed word nerd, that doesn't mean that those of you who aren't should be negligent of some of the basics in which our language is rooted. It's not cool, and it makes you sound like a fool with your grammatical dignity on the ground.

Another thing: if you know anyone WH0 TALK5 U51NG W0RD5 LYK3 D15 or G1V35 Y0U THA 1NF0 W1FF NUMB3R5 & L3TTER5 or any variation of the chicken scratch lingo that you just tried to read, then it's probably time to reconsider how much you really are "friends" with said person. All of us have seen facebook profiles decorated with these hieroglyphics, so CLEARLY that person isn't interested in speaking English like the rest of us. Don't get me mistaken - that shit was NEVER cool - but it was somewhat acceptable back in middle school; the second we got into high school however, it was time to kill that noise. If that lingo somehow stuck with these people after high school, then 1) the American education system has failed them miserably, and 2) you should award them no friend points, and may God have mercy on their souls. You absolutely need to suggest that they join us in young adulthood by using numbers and words separately as God intended or you should probably not talk to them anymore. Trust me, that would be best for all parties involved. (Actually, I'm realizing mid-rant that I still have facebook friends that talk like this; Well then. This is awkward........................)

Well, that was a mouthful. Don't be confused, my angst for the speech tomfoolery runs much further than what I've mentioned here, but again, one blog simply cannot properly convey how deep that sentiment goes, so we'll cap it here. When it comes down to it, I'm not sure how much of a dent this will make on a large scale, but I'll settle for raised awareness amongst people that know and have access to me. Until next time, this is Sir Marcus T. Williams signing off.........

Yall take care now, and you stay classy out there, blogosphere.