Sex Cymbals

Aloha, blogoshpere! Sir Marcus here with the latest in my series of rants, and this one is very near and dear to my heart.

Lollipops haven't been innocent since.

In that spirit, today's offering is called "Sex Cymbals," a topic and title that is predicated upon the homonymic relationship between "symbols," the things that are used to physically-yet-quietly represent something, and "cymbals," the very loud instruments generally used to garner attention. For instance, Marilyn Monroe would have been a regular "sex symbol" back in the 40's and 50's because her sexuality was understated and silently implied, while our day and age is saturated with overtly sexual beings like Pam Anderson and Madonna. Their sexuality is as subtle as a shotgun, making them "sex cymbals." It's brilliant wordplay, really, but y'all already knew that though.

Sex is obviously one of the more pervasive subjects in our society, something that guys reportedly think about every 7 seconds, on average. The contrarian in me thinks that this can't be true, but then the contrarian in him watches a porno, and we're back at square one. Well-played, libido. Anyways, my larger point here is that sex is, for the most part, inescapable for people of our age, especially when you're in and around a college setting. The obvious exceptions to that rule are Amish teenagers, but my guess is they just do their work in the dark more than we do; I'm hip to their jive.

Jorge Pedro says that she believes that girls think about sex at least as much as guys do. I think most of us have always suspected this, but it's hard to take what she says at face value, because word on the street is that she's a nympho. Don't tell her I told y'all that.

However, due to my own burgeoning identity as a presumably sex-driven skeezeball, I've recently found myself subject to criticism and to questioning from a group of my more conservative friends. Let me explain.

I'm certainly not the most sexually experienced person, but I'm also not apologetic about my thoughts and my liberal attitude towards it. As adults, I feel that sex is a perfectly acceptable thing to participate in and talk about within moderation and good judgment. Because of this, I'm apt to say things that suggest a free-swinging lifestyle. Anyone who really knows me knows that I'm not really a sex fiend, but I do have a sexually-suggestive sense of humor. I realize that everyone isn't quite as comfortable discussing such things, and that's fine, so if my mentioning in passing that I wouldn't mind sexing someone up rubs you the wrong way, then color me bad(d).

She might have been talking about this movie though...

However, my point of view about sex shouldn't be taken by my friends as indicative of a sleeping sex-driven deviant. As a point of reference, my homegirl Killa Cam has just as open a philosophy on sex as I do - probably even more so than I do, actually. In fact, she would openly admit that her attitude towards sex is closer to that of guys than of girls - "I think Friends with Benefits is a GLORIOUS thing," she says - so I take solace in the fact that I'm not alone on this issue. She has no qualms whatsoever with telling someone - with or without provocation - that, take it or leave it, all she's looking for is just a hookup. While I can't say I'm quite that bold upon first speaking to someone, I can certainly identify with her candor and open communication.

That being said, just because I'm not as conservative about the subject doesn't mean I'm the villain. I sometimes feel like they see me as some sort of sexmonger because I do admittedly have a perfectly normal-sized adult libido. On multiple occasions, I have gotten involved with someone who was more or less a member of their large circle, and both times, I've come away feeling at least somewhat unfairly villainized. I love these kids to death, and it's definitely no one's fault in particular, but I certainly don't think it's fair to me to only be able to hang with the group under the condition that I fully suppress my bachelorhood. Granted, it would be easier if I just learned not to shit where I eat, but that extra trip to the restroom takes too much time, ya know?

But I get it - one of the tenets of our religion is that sex should be reserved for marriage. Some of their concerns are based on that, which is valid. It's something that I was taught growing up, and those who make it that far by their own choice certainly should be proud of that fact. As it was, I would have had no problem waiting for marriage, but on that fateful night that I lost my V-card, the girl was freaked out when my grand finale was a proposal. Needless to say, we broke up soon thereafter. On the one hand, the surprise resulted in a hell of an "Oh" face. On the other hand, her startling lack of romantic sensibility for the moment is why we can't have nice things, folks.

I say all of that to say this, though: I feel I've become a living, breathing embodiment of a sex cymbal because of my openness to discussing my feelings about it. The irony is that I was a late bloomer when it came to sex - it was so far beyond my scope when I was in high school that my life then might as well have been someone else's life. I've recently experienced a noticeable upswing of luck in that regard, but anything seems like a lot compared to zero. That's not to say that I'm out here participating in or advocating serial fornication, but it's just not realistic to expect young adults to completely abstain from sex. As long as we're being responsible and somewhat discriminatory with our partners in terms of frequency and variety, then R. Kelly and I don't see nothin' wrong with a little bump-n-grind. When I'm before God at the pearly gates, I like to think that He'll forgive me a few indulgences. After all, what better way to show appreciation for the beauty of the female form than to...

Well, that seems like a good place to wrap it up, fellas. Your tool, that is. If y'all think that the precious time wasted putting on a condom is a pain, it'll seem like child's play compared to trying to keep your woman turned on while you change a diaper.

Nothing spoils a sexy party faster than a baby's eyes penetrating your very soul. 

*******

There it is, folks. Watch your steps, 'cuz I just dropped some knowledge all around y'all. As always, it was fun - let's not wait so long before we get together again. If anyone has any topic suggestions, questions or comments, I thrive on feedback, so please feel free to let me know, either in the comments section or by emailing me at Gsuswalks88@gmail.com. 

Until next time, this is Sir Marcus T. Williams, signing off.... Y'all take care and stay classy out there.