That's quite enough, thanks

Yo yo yo blogosphere, once again it's Sir Marcus here

Last night, my mom called me to express her disappointment in the fact that my brother and I allowed her birthday (and to be fair, Mother's Day as well) to pass without much celebration or even acknowledgement. I had been in the middle of another phone call at the time, but I clicked over when I saw it was my mom. When she asked if I was busy, I neglected to tell her about the other call, thinking it would be one of her usual quick update kinda phone calls. But it wasn't, and now she had the opening she needed to preach to me about the problem she had with us. I should have said I was busy when she asked. Damn, I wish I could go back and replay that whole sequence.

Now, before anyone flies off the handle thinking that I'm an insensitive jerk McAsshole, understand that I realize that I fucked up by forgetting her birthday. I was and am still sorry about it, and I truly didn't mean to. I have every intention on making it up to her at some point. But if she didn't do anything to celebrate my next birthday (because let's be honest, it happens), I would be able to move on and I wouldn't call her to remind her.

But with all that being said, her phone call was very indicative of the type of thing that my mom does all the time - go out of her way to ask for recognition - and it bothers me to no end. She's famous for these "unintentional" intentional guilt trips, and yesterday's was copied-and-pasted right outta her handbook of them. I don't mind too much if you say something once, but she likes to harp on one thing over and over again. Case in point: early yesterday morning at around 1 a.m. or so, she texted me to say that she didnt get a text or call from me wishing her a Happy Birthday. While I was annoyed that she brought it up, I realized the error of my ways and aplogized when I woke up later, even trying to make a little chit-chat to show my concern. Many people will disagree with me, but I'm gonna go and and say it anyways: that shoulda been the end of that whole situation. She brought it up once and I apologized for it; why bring it back to me later that day? It wasn't gonna change the fact that I fucked up to begin with, but at least I was apologetic about it, so it shoulda been over there.

When she called, she said that this was just a indicative of something that "has been problematic for you and your brother for quite awhile". She says that we've always kinda taken her for granted and while I agree that there is alot more we could probably do to show our appreciation, she knows us well enough to know that when all else fails, the sentiment is always there, if not always the resources and physical manifestation of those sentiments.

A couple days ago, she texted me and volunteered to help me pay my phone bill, but also asked me if I had moved into my next temporary residence. My response text answered her question about moving first, which she replied to by saying "I didn't see a thank you in there, but I know ur grateful." This also vexed me a bit because I had every intention on saying thanks in my next text, but I wanted to tackle one thing at a time, so I answered the question first. Besides, she couldn't even wait the extra 3 minutes to see if maybe I was coming to a "thank you" on my own???? I'm too old and too respectful a human being to need to be reminded to say thanks, especially since we were still in the middle of the conversation. This sorta thing is representative of one of the problems in our society where we're all so consumed by this desire for instant gratification. Of course we're all guilty of it because I like to be ackowledged as well, but inside the parameters of a conversation being transpired via text message, I don't think it would have been too absurd for her to wait another minute or so. My older brother sometimes gets upset with me for presumably not thanking him enough when he helps me with money too, and I certainly don't mean to offend him in any way, but how many thank-you's are needed? I normally thank him 2 or 3 times when he first pledges to give me money, but if I don't say thanks another couple times after the fact, he gets upset. I mean, I'm very grateful for the help and wouldn't dream of taking advantage of or insulting him at all, but it's not like I didn't thank him at all. Being as huge a fan of Seinfeld as I am, I think he was definitely onto something in that episode where he declares that he's gonna take a stand against all of this over-thanking that society has indoctrinated in us. I feel the same way and think that as long as someone is formerly thanked, then asking or expecting any more than that is just excessive.

Furthermore, though my mom likes to bring up the fact that she willingly does alot of stuff for us that we begrudgingly sometimes do for her, I would argue that it' not her duty as a woman, but it is as a parent. What I mean is that the minute a person knows they are going to have children, they should mentally prepare themselves for a life of giving and providing for those children. That's not to say that they shouldn't be thanked for doing that stuff, but at the same time, your responsibility as a parent SHOULD dictate that you do any and everything for your children. I know it sounds insensitive, but I didn't have a choice about being born, but my parents did and because they chose to go through with it, then doing things to help me was something that came with the territory. I know for damn sure that when I become a parent, I will prepare myself to go above and beyond for my children. I will most certainly teach them to be appreciative and grateful, but I certainly don't wanna hold the things I do for them against them as one would the various charges accrued on atab at the local bar. That's not fair to the children. I'm not saying I need her to be a crutch for the rest of my life, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to be willing to do things for me for as long as it takes. At least until I move out for good and start my own family.

I don't mean to sound callous or to bitch and moan about trivial things, but I legitimately think that we need to stop all of this fishing for compliments and recognition that we've gotten into. Again, I've been guilty of it just as much as anyone, but if it annoys everyone else as much as it clearly does me, then I will be alot more mindful of my own habits, because no one likes that guy and no one wants to be that guy.

Anyways, I just felt these things needed to be said. Until next time, this is Sir Marcus T. Williams, signing off... Yall take care now.